Thursday, 19 January 2012

Adoption Support.

I found this amazing website. It has testimonials from birth mothers, music about adoption, and lists of support groups for all who have placed for adoption. My favorite LDS song writer Janice Kapp Perry and Joy Saunders Lundberg have written many songs for this topic and the songs lyrics are all included on thenwebsite. If you want to buy the songs they are .99cents on iTunes.

I hope that many of you find this site as touching and as beautiful as I did.

Empty Arms by Janice Kapp Perry

Lyrics: Empty Arms
by Janice Kapp Perry
(Birth mother)
It’s not a choice that anyone should ever have to make
And I hope someday you’ll come to know I did it for your sake
I knew from the beginning you deserved a chance to live,
But in my heart I knew you would need more than I could give.

I prayed that God would strengthen me to do what I must do.
And I made a choice that I believed would be the best for you,
For I loved you with a special love that only parents know,
A kind of pure unselfish love that helped me let you go.

I knew my empty arms would hurt me through the years,
And thoughts of all that might have been would often bring a tear,
But I had peace amid the struggle, for in my heart I knew
There were loving arms and caring hands waiting hopefully for you.
And I knew what I must do.

(Adoptive Parents)
So many years we’ve waited for a child to call our own.
The sorrow in our aching hearts was known to God alone.
Through tears and faith and lonely days this blessing was withheld
And then we realized our child must come through someone else.

We prayed that she would have the strength to let her baby live,
And share with us the tender gift that she alone could give.
Then we waited for a miracle, it’s all that we could do,
Just praying there would come a day that wishes would come true.

Because our empty arms have hurt us through the years,
And thoughts of all that might have been would often bring a tear,
But we felt hope amid the struggle, for in our hearts we knew
There could be an angel mother who could make all our dreams come true.
Now we know that it was you.

We know your empty arms may hurt you through the years,
And thoughts of all that might have been may sometimes bring a tear,
But may God protect and bless you and help your heart endure,
Knowing those who love your little one will have empty arms no more.

(Birth mother)
I loved you with a special love that only parents know;
A kind of pure unselfish love that helped me let you go.

Credits: Lyrics from the Adoption Album Do You Have a Little Love to Share
Produced by Adoption Media
All words and music copyright © 2005 Janice Kapp Perry and Joy Saunders Lundberg

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Guardian Friends.

To all you women out there who are struggling with a hard decision or are suffering from a decision made in the past. I want to express my great appreciation for you. What you are going through now will only make you stronger. You are an inspiration to someone around you. Although you may not feel like it or you may not know them, there is someone out there who sees you and watches you. They feel like you are guiding them and that you are their strength to make it through another day. When I was in my birthmother support group, I was the oldest in the class. I was there feeling like someone was going to look at me like I was immature and stupid. I was the oldest and the other girls in my class, Dallas and Megan, they were the ones that helped me through my days. I would think about how Dallas was strong enough to face her friends, her piers and not complain about it. I thought about Megan and her journey of single motherhood. How the road she was walking was not going to be easy. I admired these two and still do. They both amaze me everyday. Their strength and their powerful spirits.

I want you all to know that there is someone who understands. Someone who has felt all things, who knows how to comfort you and will help place special " guardian friends" into your life. They may not know that they are a blessing to you but they will one day understand how what they did helped not only themselves but someone close to them that needed their guidance.

Monday, 15 August 2011

I Stand All Amazed

  When I was pregnant, I was considering adoption. Not to get out of being a mother, cause I would be a mother regardless. I wasn't sure if I was going to be good enough for this precious baby coming into the world. I wanted him to have the best. And when I was pregnant I truly got a tiny feeling of what our Heavenly Parents feel when one of their precious children come down to this earth.

  I can almost see it. Our Heavenly Father puts his hand on our Heavenly Mothers shoulder, offering her comfort as she says farewell to her darling child. Our Father giving us words of wisdom before we leave his presence. His trusting that those who take us in will do a good job, as he watches from afar. Our Heavenly Mothers tears as she watches us struggle through our lives, and making the wrong choices. Hoping that those they sent us to instilled the right and best values to help us make the best choices.

 I love our Heavenly parents, more then words can explain. My heart bleeds for my Heavenly Mother as she watches her darling children venture off into the unknown. She can only watch from afar. She waits for your prayers to hear you speak to your Heavenly Father. She waits for the day when she can walk upto you and put her arms around you and say " I loved you so much, that I gave you the best opportunity I could."

 In my eyes, we are all adopted. Our Heavenly Parents let us come here, to be raised, taught, loved, and sheltered by those other then them. They wanted us to have the best opportunity to grow and become the best we could, and they were unable to bring us here themselves. They trust in each of us to be the parents that all their children need. We have a duty to ourselves, to them and to eachother. We need to be who we were meant to be.

      " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."                         ~ Jeremiah 29: 11~

 Our Heavenly Father and Mother know each and everyone of us. They love us and they know our struggles. They are there for us, but can only offer support when we ask them for it. We have to allow them into our hearts. None of us are alone. We all have someone on our side.

  I pray that all the girls who are stumbling along and feel alone and forgotten, that you can feel the love that our Heavenly Parents have for you. That you are not alone.




Sunday, 31 July 2011

some ugly

It was stated that we would write about 'the good, the bad and the ugly' in this blog. Here's some 'ugly' of single mothering for ya.

I try to stay positive and up beat. But the beginning of this blog may contain a little bit of negativity.

I had a terribile experience while working at the beginning of the week; one which I hope will never repeat itself. I'm not going to go into the specifics, because that's not the important part.

Long story short, an individual (who, may I add, had only known me for two days) basically asked me to sleep with him. He told me a room number at his hotel and even seemed to expect that I would show up there. ew.

I remember getting off of work that night. I walked across the parking lot and I made it about two steps out of the door before the tears started poring. 

You know the stories you hear about people who get their arms bitten off by sharks and they don't feel it because of all the adrenaline pumping through their veins? The brain knows just goes into 'save yourself' mode - adrenaline, adrenaline, adrenaline. Then of course... pull 'em out of the water and give 'em a couple minutes, adrenaline dies down - and my oh my... they feel it. 

Well... I think that's what happened to me. My body just went on 'auto-pilot'/'save yourself' mode. And I walked out of those doors - and then it hit me like a wall of bricks. 

I cried all the way home.

I felt demoralized, dejected and really... like a piece of meat and not much more. I felt frustrated with the world. I felt frustrated especially with the men of the world.

Now I speak of being heart broken here. And I speak of crying. And I speak of just feeling plain, old terrible. 

The reason being: this isn't the first time that this has happened to me; it's probably actually the third or fourth. The reoccuring pattern is what breaks my heart. It kind of makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

It seems to be that as soon as somebody finds out that I am a single Mom, they also think that I'm easy. They automatically assume that because I'm not married or common-law, I must be a slut.

I guess this assumption wouldn't break my heart as much if this had been the case. It has never been the case, though. I'm not a slut.

Men didn't ask me to sleep with them, but it was the same story while I was pregnant.

I got all of the looks. I felt the eyes upon my back; or more specifically, upon my belly. I saw the raised eye brows. 

I learned how to keep my chin up; I learned how to hold my head high. I don't mean to say that I was proud about the situation or arrogant. But I knew my own heart and the opinions of judgemental eyes around me couldn't change that. I knew my worth because my Heavenly Father confirmed it in my heart. 

So girls. When gross men or when judgemental women attempt to make you feel bad about yourself... remember your worth. Please don't forget it.

When I got off work the other day I felt worthless. The amount of times that it had happened to me just tipped the scales and it was very difficult to balance those scales and find my positivity.

It makes me sad to think that other girls may be in the same situation as I was. It makes me sad to think that other girls might be feeling the same way that I was.

I hope you all know your worth. The world tends to negatively view any girl that has had a baby outside of marriage. And of course I'm not encouraging it in any way. It's not ideal. But it happens and it does not make you less of a person. 

Motherhood, whether you choose adoption, single parenting or co-parenting, is a divine role. Please do not allow anyone to make you think anything less of it.

 “Men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.”

- Mathew Cowley

Friday, 10 June 2011

Motherhood; so real, it hurts

Posted by: Megan

My best friends Mom wrote this. As I was able to relate myself to each paragraph, tears came to my eyes; lately I've been pretty numb and so the fact that it was able to accomplish this feat of making me cry is quite an accomplishment. This is so beautiful. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did.

Three months ago, I heard that my niece, was unexpectedly pregnant and surprisingly happily Married!
Shocked and surprised beyond belief, I realised that there were so many things which i wanted to tell her.

I want to tell her it will change your life, but keep my tone neutral. I know she would be thinking I mean, No more sleeping in or spontaneous holidays! But that's not what I mean. I think about her youth and her innocence and try to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw she will be forever vulnerable.

I consider warning her she will never read a newspaper again without asking: what if that had been my child? That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her; that when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child slowly die.

I think about her budding career and wonderful artistic skills and think that I should tell her that no matter how talented she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level of a she-bear protecting her cub, that a slightly urgent call of "Mummy" will cause her to drop a plate or her glass of wine without a moment's hesitation; that the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never before experienced.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she decides to invest in her designing career after the baby is born, she cannot avoid being professionally derailed by motherhood. She may successfully arrange for childcare, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every bit of discipline to keep herself from running home, just to make sure he is fine.

I want her to know that everday routine decisions will no longer be routine; that a visit to McDonald's and a five year old boy's understandable desire to go to the men's toilet rather than the women's will become a major dilemma; that right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the possibility of a child molester lurking in the loo.

I want her to know that however decisive she may be at work, she will constantly question her ability as a mother.

Thinking about my beautiful niece, I want to assurre her that eventually she will shed the flab of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same way about herself, that her life, now so immporant, will be of less value to her once she has a child; that she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his; that stretch marks will become badges of honour.

My Niece's relationship with her husband, Clay, will change, I know, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful always to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play 'bad guys' with his son. I think she should know she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my modern, young niece could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why i can think rationally about most issues but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my child's future.

I want to describe to my niece the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to pass a football. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby, touching the soft fur of a puppy for the first time. i want her to taste the pleasure that is so real, it hurts.

As I think about all this, I realise that tears have formed in my eyes. So i'm just going to tell her, you'll never regret it, tell her I love her and wish her joy on the journey ahead.

Love, Aunty Suzie x

Monday, 30 May 2011

Liberation... through shining

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
 ~Nelson Mandela~